Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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