I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
