For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
