wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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