i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
