You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
