Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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