Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
