omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
