I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
