I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
