You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
