You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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