He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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