Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
