ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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