He passed out mid-signature
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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