Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
