i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
