but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
