sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
