You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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