fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
