Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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