ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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