I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
