did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
