im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
