She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
