Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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