I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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