I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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