Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
