u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
