Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
