I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
