I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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