I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
