Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
