i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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