As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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