I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
