On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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