Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
