sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
