Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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