I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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