is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
