I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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