it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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