Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
