ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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