at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
