Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
