Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
