If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
