Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
