Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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