Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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