I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
